10 Tools to Conquer the Epidemic of Loneliness
“Cultivate solitude and quiet and a few sincere friends, rather than mob merriment, noise, and thousands of nodding acquaintances.”
– William Powell
The following two questions are the most powerful I can ask – given today’s environment:
Are you lonely?
How would you know if you were?
FACT: Loneliness is an invisible epidemic affecting millions worldwide.
This fact may seem strange since we are living in an era of unprecedented connectivity. Loneliness is as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes per day! It increases the risk of heart disease, depression, and cognitive decline. Left unchecked it reduces our life span.
In order to thoroughly understand loneliness, it’s important to accept that loneliness is not just about ‘being alone.’ A multitude of people have expressed that they feel ‘lonely’ even in a crowd of people or with close acquaintances. If you fall into this category, your social needs are not being met.
U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy placed a spotlight on America’s problem with loneliness when he declared the issue an epidemic in the spring of 2023. Murthy explained, in a letter that introduced an urgent advisory, that “Loneliness is far more than ‘just a bad feeling’ and represents a major public health risk for both individuals and society.” Murthy also pointed out that, although many people grew lonelier during the COVID-19 pandemic, about half of American adults had already reported experiences of loneliness even before the outbreak.
Feeling lonely is not a flaw, but a signal. It’s a signal that you are not feeling emotionally connected or understood.
-Loneliness is reflected in the news. Samantha Rose Hill writes in her July 7th New York Times opinion piece, ‘Big Tech Wants to Profit From the Loneliness It Helps Cause’: “Unlike human-to-human contact, which involves vulnerability, disappointment, negotiation and potential rejection, A. I. gives you what you want, how your want it, when you want it. You never have to apologize, ask for forgiveness, suffer an uncomfortable silence or wonder what another person is thinking. There is no other, just a reflection of yourself.”
-Loneliness is reflected in our literature. My favorite go-to for information about books is “Goodreads.” The site lists 34 books on ‘loneliness’. That, in itself, makes a statement.
-Loneliness is reflected in psychology. The subject is a significant area of study and exploration. Psychologists recognize loneliness as a subjective, often painful, emotional experience that arises when a person perceives a discrepancy between their desired and actual social connections.
-Loneliness is reflected in movies. Here’s link to 17 films about loneliness and isolation.
https://collider.com/best-movies-loneliness-isolation-ranked/
-Loneliness is reflected in our work and career. In modern remote work, people can feel disconnected, unseen, and undervalued.
-Loneliness is reflected in research. A report titled “Loneliness in America: Just the Tip of the Iceberg?” was published in October 2024 by the Making ‘Caring Common Project’ at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. This report, based on a May 2024 survey, revealed that 21% of US adults experience loneliness and feel disconnected from their communities. It also explored the complex relationship between loneliness and other feelings like anxiety, depression, and lack of purpose. Being socially isolated is a form of stress and long-term stress is extremely unhealthy.
Here are a few more statistics that may surprise you.
-People between 30-44 years of age were the loneliest group — 29% of people in this age range said they were “frequently” or “always” lonely
-Among 18–29-year-olds — the rate was 24%
-For 45–64-year-olds, the rate was 20%
-Adults aged 65 and older reported the lowest rate: 10% felt lonely
REALITY CHECK: Everyone feels lonely at certain times, including myself. It’s a deep human experience. However, most of the time it flows; it comes and goes. Keep in mind that feeling lonely is not a flaw, but a signal. It’s a signal that you are not feeling emotionally connected or understood.
So, here’s the bottom line, if you are lonely, you can do something about it. But only you can do it.
We’re all islands shouting lies to each other across seas of misunderstanding.
– Rudyard Kipling
10 Tools To Conquer the Epidemic of Loneliness
Here are 10 tools for your mental tool kit to combat loneliness. The first four are my go-to tools. And they all work.
Tool #1. Reconnect with an old friend or connect with a new friend. Call, email, or meet for lunch.
Tool #2. Engage in hobbies. (Mine is vegetable gardening.) It could be writing, painting, yoga, flying kites ( I do) or pottery.
Tool #3. Practicing mindfulness. I meditate when needed & I write in my journal every day. We all need solitude.
Tool #4. Develop meaningful connections. Join a club, fitness center or volunteer to serve others. As a performer, I belong to an organization in order to connect and support my colleagues.
Tool #5. Learn to enjoy your own company. You can have solitude with isolation.
Tool #6. Exercise. You don’t have to overdo it. Stretching and walking alone or with others is great for mind and body. Also, sunshine is healing.
Tool #7. Build, expand and nurture social relationships. I have to put energy into this, as my wife does. The effort is worth it. Think of maintaining a social network like any other health-promoting activity. Think out-of-the-box. You don’t have to limit yourself to your age group.
Tool #8. Adopt a pet or walk a neighbor’s dog. I have to add a gentle warning. A pet can work miracles for your mental health BUT it can also burden you with great responsibility. It depends on your age and your need for freedom from responsibility.
Toot #9. I feel compelled to include this: Reduce your social media time. Excessive screen time can increase your loneliness. Digital connection is not the solution. It’s the problem. Use technology wisely.
Full disclosure. I love social media, and you will find me on most platforms. It’s fun for me. Yet having hundreds of online friends does not cure loneliness. Having ‘meaningful’ relationships does.
Tool #10. Be vulnerable. I saved this for last because, for most individuals, vulnerability requires trust.
Personally, I allow myself to be vulnerable to those I trust and build trust by being vulnerable.
Take charge of your mental health today!
Loneliness will not instantly disappear but integrating one or more of these 10 tools can help rebuild your social muscles.
IMAGINE THAT!
James Mapes is the founder of Quantum Leap Thinking™, creator of The Transformational Coach™, expert on the psychology of “applied imagination,” best-selling author, highly acclaimed business speaker, consultant, seminar leader and personal excellence coach.